Remember that song by David Bowie? Here’s a picture of him if you forget what he looks like.
Anyways, back to the title of this post. Change is hard!! However, if you don’t change anything, nothing will change. For too long now I was thinking I would be able to make these negative thoughts about myself go away without following my meal plan. I don’t need to gain weight to get better! Heck, if I lose weight I’ll definitely feel better (thoughts that go on in the mind of an ED). Whatever negative I see about myself or in my life I believe ED can make it all better. By following ED’s rules, I will be happy. It’s how I cope with everything! Anxious? Don’t eat. Upset about something? Don’t eat. Feeling down about not having a job? Don’t eat. Stressed out? Don’t eat.
STUPID silly me. 🙂
I’ve learned from experience that playing by ED’s rules won’t get me anywhere close to winning this ‘game’ of recovery. Therefore, I’m putting my foot down, playing by my rules (which were developed by my treatment team/dietician) for at least one full week. I mean, they are professionals and apparently they know what they’re doing. I am so much more than this stupid ED and I know God has a plan for me. The sooner I get better, the faster I can use my story to help and inspire others.
I’m only 1 day in, and let me tell you…it’s hard to let go. Imagine someone taking away your number 1 comforter and leaving you all alone. It’s not fun and the thoughts of ‘screw it I’m just going to live with this ED my whole life’ are haunting my mind. However, I’m not giving into those thoughts. I’ve got so many amazingly supportive people around that I don’t need ED.
So, wanna know how yesterday went!? Mmmkay. Boom stix! First up, breakfast! P’WNED it (where are my COD peeps at hah). What helped with bfast was eating as soon as I woke up. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Non-negotiable.
After breakfast I had an appointment with my doctor who
chucked handed me some tough love! Definitely a slap in the face, but she geared me in the right direction! Encouragement does wonders. Right when I got home I proceeded to make lunch. I already planned out what I was having so I had no time to second guess myself. And guess what….MURDER (snap). English muffin with CHEESE, 2 eggs, goldfish (love) and vanilla pudding.
It was b-e-a-tiful yesterday so I jalked around Lancaster to get some vitamin D. Did anyone see the 16 and Pregnant episode with the kids from Penn Manor? They actually live in my friend’s old apartment. Small world. After my jalk I hit up Cherry Hill for some necessities (read: apples & granola). Then I did work and completed dinner!
Not only did I do well for breakfast, lunch and dinner, but I also had something before I went to bed because my stomach was growling. I finally decided to honor my hunger and accept the fact that if my stomach is growling, my body is hungry.
So, I consider day 1 a success! Now it’s time for day 2 and I’m gunna keep truckin’ along. I have an interview this morning at a really awesome nonprofit so I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow!
What’s something that you want to change?