I’m not gunna lie, I was definitely apprehensive to share my blog with everyone. I mean, just 6 months ago I would have denied that I had an eating disorder. Now it’s out in the open for anyone to see! It’s scary and relieving all at the same time. It feels like a weight has been lifted off of me (NO pun intended, since I’m adding weight to myself). 😉 I never would have thought in a million years that people would be so understanding and supportive. This whole process has truly made me realize what amazing/supportive/positive friends I have in my life. Not only friends, but also my loving family. There was no reason to be afraid to share my story with people and seek help.
If I could turn back time, I would have been more open about my struggle much sooner. But, I guess that’s just how an ED works. It’s like it takes over your entire being, causing you to isolate yourself, lose relationships, constantly be scared and worried (making it impossible to experience many feelings and difficult to enjoy much of anything) and enhances an already low self-esteem. Despite how happy I appeared on the outside, I was breaking on the inside. It’s so refreshing to be able to recognize all the negative my ED was causing my life. Anytime I think I want to go back to where I was when I was very sick, I remember, although being at a low weight, I still wasn’t happy with myself.
This is where treatment comes in. Treatment taught me not just to love myself for who I am, but also how to deal with different emotions rather than ‘restricting’ or not eating. Restricting my food intake was my way of making myself numb to any kind of feelings. Now I can see what is causing me the desire to skip a meal or run those extra miles. These days, I can truly say I run because I love it!! It’s still difficult to accept myself (and I know it will take time!!) but the more practice I do at the positive self-talk instead of self-defeating statements, ED will HAVE to be pushed out of my life (FOR GOOD!!)
Anyways, I’m happy to share this with whoever wants to read. My only hope is that I can help someone else who may be struggling with the exact same thing. If you are struggling, you don’t have to be ashamed (I’M HERE FOR YOU AND FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME!!). Even if you haven’t experienced an eating disorder, it’s safe to assume that you know someone that has. Support those that are hurting by simply saying you care. You don’t have to understand or try to relate, you just have to realize that those who are suffering deserve the same exact life that anyone else does. From my experience all anyone who is going through an ED wants to hear is that they are accepted and loved for who they are. And to be honest, whether you are fat or skinny, tall or short, black or white…I think that is all anyone wants to hear.
Have you ever been afraid to share something personal?